OK….here we go!
I joined Twitter almost fifteen years ago. I was 23 years old and mostly wrote extremely tedious tweets about soup or how much I was enjoying the line-up on that week’s Jonathan Ross show. I got better at Twitter. In the first ten years I was there I amassed over five thousand followers, tweeted about politics and Sonic and Frasier and EastEnders. Then in May 2019 I wrote a thread about being a Christina Aguilera tribute act in 2007 and my following leapt overnight to 25k followers. A scripted TV show based on my time as this tribute act in Ayia Napa was optioned immediately by a major production company. I signed with a top creative agent. Over the next few months I tweeted more, gained more followers, was becoming QUITE the Twitter Person. COVID hit. The TV show disappeared, the agent dropped me but I went HARD in the pandemic with content and commentary and by mid-2023 I was at 108k followers on Twitter. Yes, it was becoming QUITE the cesspit but I felt like I’d carved out a fun little corner of the internet to be angry, silly and righteous. Musk had bought the site and taken my blue tick from me (I wasn’t going to pay him for one, NYOOOOOOOP, never will) and I still had great engagement. Then in late July this year…something changed.
1. Why this, why now?
Suddenly in July it was like I’d been shadowbanned on Twitter/X (I think that’s exactly what happened). My reach decreased by 90%. My tweets were ONLY being seen by my followers and hardly any of them at that. People would frequently say “oh this is the first thing I’ve seen from you in weeks” or “I’ve just searched for you and it turns out I unfollowed you…but I didn’t”…it sucks. I’m on Threads, Insta, BlueSky, YouTube, TikTok….none of them work for what I do as well as Twitter. So I was hoping that setting up a Substack would be useful. If you like the sort of shit I post TA-DAAAA here it will be in long-form. I will do my best to update it plenty. Because I need to keep a profile online to continue with my career.
2. Tell your friends
Like my brand of leftist cuckery, nostalgic shitposting and lists of gigs? Good news, they shall all be here.
3. Hello!
I’m aiming to post here a LOT. It’s funny, I could reel off fifty tweets a day no problem but a long-form format feels more daunting. How hard can it be? Eyoooooo we’ll see
5. WELCOME!
I did it! My first substack! Many more to come, please subscribe to receive all future events n updates.